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Yeah, I had to just say "Fuck it!" and start over... wait, no; you've been reading that starts for far too long now: Fri Aug 14, 2009, 11:58 AM was the last time we spoke. I just finished reading *TheIronWizard and almost cried at the end. You can read its ending in the features below; though I suggest starting from the beginning if you've never read this superb comic. I have featured ever chapter since I first stumbled upon it a couple years ago; though honestly I think *Agent-Elrond was the one who found me when I was first starting the deviation features that still grace my journals (when I get around to making them). It is with this conflicting pain and joy of reading one of -thee- best comics to date, that I speak with you now. Few ever read my journals, and with my extended absence, I assume fewer will. Is this goodbye? Maybe...

"Maybe" because I don't know. I don't want it to be; deviantART means too much. For all the drama, for all the growing pains, for all that this site has given me (and not), I find it hardest to let go; but at this point in my life, I question why I stay here besides to keep in touch with friends. I might do better to ask all my friends on dA to connect with me via my new Facebook account: "Russell Bynum" of Auburn, Wa; or through Twitter: osyrisdiamond @ twitter. Mostly, these are for my podcast, which is current on winter break pending a new reboot that we hope to do come January; I hope you will all give me a second chance with this show, which has show remarkable progress over its first year.

I've known many deviants throughout the years that I no longer keep in contact with a many I still keep in contact with. I want to at least cultivate these relationships outside dA. This site and the internet have shown me that internet contacts are not the same a friends you know in person; but they can be, and can become as close regardless of the physical contact. To this end, I invite the few who might see me as thus to contact me so that at least in one way outside this site I can keep in better contact with you. Beyond this, I want to keep this site up as long as I can, or until at least I can account for all the poetry and other deviations I have posted that I foolishly forgot to save on my hard drive. Such a audit will take a while but it needs to be done.

So what have I been up to all this time? Well, I've completed my Fall '09 quarter at UWT; had my kitten0cat Lexus Ton-Ton vaccinated and just yesterday (Tuesday) got her fixed (you can see videos and more photos of her on my Facebook page); I had a short relationship with a very wonderful young lady but it was not meant to be with my current schedule of work, school, and podcast; I am almost ready to pay of my KLR 650; I'm expanding and retooling my podcast to make Back 2 Square 1 the best it can be; and other stuff that I simply cannot remember within the time-frame of writing this journal... or is it a pseudo-blog?

Where am I in my writings? No where. I have not had time for much of anything, let a lone writing; and this is breaking my heart. Even with this break, I feel no motivation to write and have focused on other things. Will I get the few fan-fics I started finished? I honestly don't know; but I hope so. Will I start posting photos and poems again? I don't know. Maybe poems here but I think I'll reserve the photos, which in most instances are not art, for Facebook. I want to get back into things but it is clear my life is either too busy or more worrisome moving on. I am willing to move on from most things, but writing and poetry am I not ready to call off... any time soon. Only death I fear more; and that more from a lack of comprehension (of non-existence) than anything (else).

Below you'll find the last three TIW chapters (minus any epilogue that will be made). Also below is a most epic story of brutal propositions about two brothers. Check 'em out. I've reset the counter and won't be able from here on out to give you all the support that I would otherwise like to; but I am behind all of my friends and those I follow on this site. We all can do more with what we have been given by the nature of this world, its deterministic cause & effect and the chaotic & random nature of the natural world. I expect great things from all of you; don't disappoint me!

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Yeah, I had to just say "Fuck it!" and start over (this was a while back, mind you). Oh well, I've kept up better since then. Been working on getting Rogue Wave Rising completed; taking a shit-ton of time. I fear I won't get any original works done at this rate. Not too much poetry inspiration, either. So below he have a new TIW chapter and a special feature of "Boy Named Sue", an illustration of the classic Johnny Cash song. A very awesome "Epic Win" piece from a great artist who inspired me to continue the little story behind this work (see my comment on the deviation).

I bought me a kitty! One of the Bengals you've seen me post pictures of. Hard as hell to get a good photo of her but I'll see what I can do. She'll be seven week old coming up and I'll get her this Tuesday! Born June 27, 2009 (if memory serves). Might call her "Crouton" since the other day she attacked one of the little square salad toppings like no tomorrow and tried to eat it whole, though it was several times her mouth's size so she ended up just gnawing on it. So cute! I do have a video of my little monster on my skeptical blog: New Bengal Kitten | The Skeptical Agnostic Student Blog She is about a month old in the video. I'll get good photos once she's over here at home. $200.00 worth of kitty to start; I'm sure after this upcoming vet visit (her first) on Wednesday, she'll be costing me a lot more. This, of course, does not include all the other stuff I got to get for her. Oh well, she's my girl cat! =3

In other news, Back 2 Square 1 Podcast has been pumping out new episodes once a week since we're got the new studio (at the new place) up and running. Four episodes so far and the fifth coming up this Saturday! Check out this awesome show, which I host. I know some of you listen to podcasts, so give us a chance to change your world view... or at least offend you.

[2616 Deviations, 1053 Messages]
Okay, so I do know a few people, maybe more, read this damn thing. So, for those friends whom I might insult in this latest installment let it be know I am in a "jack-ass" mood so am willing to throw out examples and or express opinions better left unsaid but I need some way to express them and poetry is not working towards this end and sometimes I just need to bitch like the little prick that hide behind the more intelligent persona of Osyris... or at least the face of Russell that I give to everyone, including myself. You have been warned...

Yes, despite the good qualities about myself, I am a grade-ass prick; a human asshole that ranks up there with the best of them, though I stumble through this ability like 'a retard with one leg who just got his wheelchair smashed by a bus while the retard was still in it'. Seriously, I can't even be a good prick without fucking it up. Just take a listen to my podcast, which has been off-air since March but should be back on by the end of this month I hope. While I can write letter that can put the fear of God into my superiors at work as you can tell I am a blundering blathering idiot in real-time. Granted, I've never quite understood why witty timely responses mean jack shit other than a sharp mind but that's what people just you by. If you can't instantly rebut a verbal attack you might as well have an I.Q. of an amoeba. Even if you are totally in the wrong and even your rebuke has nothing to do with the subject at hand, a quick quip can make you the shit while a late-yet more prudent response makes you incompetent and irrelevant. By this measure, I am just that, irrelevant; and that bugs the fucking shit out of me. Even being "blunt-force honest" as I am now is nothing more than a sad attempt to sound witty when all I am doing is bitching about shit that does mean nothing to no one. Srsly.

I have mental issues. No, not the emo crying, "I'm gonna cut myself because not enough people care about my non-existent problems!" type of shit, I mean really I have figured out I am at least plus or minus 2-3 years behind my peer of the same age physically in mental development and maturity. I've gotten better (I think) over the years but the fact remains I am just a slow to certain concepts as I was when they forced me into fucking special ed. back in 6^th grade. By 8^th I had gotten myself out of it because while I did lack some basic studying skills (and social interaction abilities) though they still forced me to study hall, basically a special class to get extra work done or study time (which I only ever utilized for one paper), so I used it to sleep in the morning since it was my first class. All this said, I am now receiving at least 3.0-3.8 GPA in my classes at UWT and have a current GPA of about 3.2 overall. So, while I have a mind that can do well in the classroom this analytical mind that appearently needs a good deal of time and revision to achieve respectable work cannot survive well, if at all, in the real-time environment of the real world... whatever the fuck that is!

Let's take my writing and poetry for example. While I could revise and review my poetry and comprise several books from it, who would honestly read it, let alone by it. Sorry to insult ever person who has read and/or enjoyed my works but who the fuck are any of you? Sadly, the only opinions that matter in this regard are those in the poetry elite who make or break today's big-name poets. Now, yes poetry is not nearly the shit it use to be back in the day before and during the Industrial Revolution, but they can still make a nice pocket full of cash. The Brits even have a honorary high seat in the government, I think, for a guru of poetry that is like highly respected and stuff, though I think the recently appointed person is being contested due to not meeting certain criteria but that is getting too off topic. So my friend Jon, the same one you hear on the podcast, has a brother who got his shit published in "The Wolf" (go look it up!) and later was invited to England to read his shit at a really nice poetry meet (Spring 2006, Issue 12, R. Clark Morrow). Now, I'm sure if anyone is still reading this far, you are thinking, "God, why doesn't this prick shut the fuck up already and submit his fucking shit to these and other publications!?" Good question! Why? Because I am fairly sure my shit doesn't meet their criteria. I've read Morrow's other works, hell, I heard Morrow in my car back before 2006 reading those two poems (or at least a rough version of them), and I know he is of a kind that can get into those circles. Me? Not so much...

Then there are my stories. Why is The Iron Wizard so bloody popular compared to my stories? Why? I'll tell yo why: they have pictures! Granted, I might have slightly better results if my shit was not on a site more focused on visual art than literary art, but the fact remains that people on this site and in general like pretty pictures. Without them, most won't even give the rest the time of day. Maybe if I hung around the writers of this site more I'd get some more props but I'm not in it for props I 'm in it for... well, what the fuck am I in it for? Money? Ha! That's a laugh! Like even if I could get this pointless fan-fics done and focus on my own works, who is gonna read them? Not enough to make it matter. Plus I am so slow with producing shit it's laughable. Take Tee Morris for example: this man has a full-time job, a family (wife & kids) plus goes to book signings, conventions, and does others things including multiple podcasts/podiobooks, and yet still can crank out a book in under a year. Here I am just a full-time college/university student working 32hrs at week and can't do one in a couple years. See where things are starting to make connections? I am a failure at what is one of the few activities in my life that doesn't seem like a total waste of my life, even though everything points to the fact that it is. Who the fuck wants to read about my ideas? Who the fuck that matters in the publishing world wants to read my shit? No one, that's who! Why? Because again I don't fit their criteria...

"So have you tried, you self-loathing loud-mouth jackass!?" you might be thinking. Honestly, no. Why? Because I don't like putting in effort into pointless endeavors; I already do that by writing poetry and stories as it is and so trying to get them published seems like a further waste that I can no longer take. So, maybe this is all a phase and I'm not cut out to be a published writer or poet. Maybe I'm just a strict amateur who had his fun but not needs to move on. Considering my lack of motivation in both these areas as of late and topped with my lacking of quality and self-loathing you'd think this would be one of likely many possible explanations. Then what do I do? Besides waste my time with a friend as I am right now who is a failed love interest who with in most times I find myself acting like a sore loser who exposes his bad attitude in a vain attempt for attention while wasting money I really don't have anymore, I don't have anything else but the podcast, which will only turn out to be a passing fad. I don't need passing fades in my fucking life! I want something that makes me happy and won't fade with time. Well, guess I'm in the wrong fucking reality for that one, huh? I will live and die in obscurity and all the good I might do will be tapered by all the wrong and injustice I will also do, either resulting in a net loss or breaking even in the non-existent karma department.

Why does it feel like I am having a slight mid-life crisis at 26!? Srsly. Maybe I need to get laid more. Likely but the only women (currently) who has shown interest lives on the other side of the fucking continent and while I'm glad she's willing to visit I don't see it going any more than long-distant friends with benefits, which I could deal with if you could remove the the "long-distant" part; and yes, she will likely read this and no I'm not naming her in this rant. Rant? Do we really sully the good name of "rant" with this infantile excuse of a vomiting of raw random complaints about an otherwise very envious life? No, "rant" is too a term to use on this bullshit. No, I think bitching sums it up good. I'm bitching like a P.M.S. women; I am bitching like a piss-off gay black dude who just found out his is wearing mismatching lipstick and fingernail polish. I'm bitching like someone who just how jewed by someone not driving like a white-man. I see no reason why everyone can't laugh at these racial slurs. Srsly, I think a Jew joke is just as funny as one about whites or black or anyone else. If you can't laugh, then you're a bigger prick than I am and from the indications of this bitching that is really saying something about your sorry ass; and while we're at it, fuck every divine entity that mankind ever thought of. If you're dumb enough to believe in that shit, then I suggest at least acknowledging that you have no more fucking clue about reality as a rock; and just in cause you think this agnostic-atheist is being self-righteous, I'm likely in the same boat so don't get all huffy on me. Srsly, just stop with the adult-version of Santa, okay?

For all this hate I just spewed, I am rather tolerant of all the bullshit on this pathetic excuse for a hunk of rock. Why? 'Cause I expect other people to put up with me. Fair, ain't it? Not really but what is in this reality? Not much. Well, I think I've gotten a lot of the self-hate out of my system for the moment and hopefully I can not get back to something resembling normality in my life. There is likely a lost of loose end in this bitching session and I doubt you've all learned much that you really wanted to know about me. Well, you fault for not heeding my warning at the top and doing something better with your time. Well, I'm off to bed now and hopefully tomorrow will be slightly less of a failure than today was...

[1896 Deviations, 701 Messages]
I just need to hit the big reset button for my Message Centre. So, how are all my watchers? Enjoying my meager sporadic postings? Well, school is finally out so hopefully once I am moved in with my friend at the end of the month, I will be able to start writing my stories again. I'm feeling good about both classes for my final GPA. In other news, I rebooted "Writer's Banter" into "The Skeptical Agnostic Student", a skeptical blog. My lj blog, "Agnostic Blasphemy" is still around, though that will still be used for random less tactful musings, though I haven't posted anything in a while there. You can find all these links under the "my dA" button directly under the title of all my journals. The podcast will be back up and running once I move as well. A you might have guessed, this moving thing will preoccupy me through the end of this month. In other news, one of my newest characters found a use for Twitter, which you can check out on my dA Profile page: CynicAtLarge. The character in question is one Joy Sharkey, who just got a plushie body, courtesy of =kaios (see featured deviation below!). I guess this make him Australian? -lol- He is the same character that you might have seen posted as a two-part diagram: Joe Sharkey Plushie 01 & Joe Sharkey Plushie 02. I should be getting him shortly. I wanted to do a comic series with hi ssaying random things and I might do similar in a photo series with other plushies of mine but for now Sharkey's one-liners do best on Twitter. He already has about 38 followers. Fell free to do so at your own risk! Below is the latest TIW. Hopefully its primary creator is feeling better. You can read about her trouble as you read this latest chapter. I wish her the best and remind her that fan of the comic will wait as long as is needed for the series to be finished. Take you time and don't rush it, girl! At least give it the ending it deserves! ...even if it takes twice as long. We'll be here waiting. I'll be posting more stuff as I get the chance. Curtis T. needs to update his myspace but he has posted a lot of new photos with more to come! He also get a new hoodie from UWT that is awesome. I'll post a pic sometime soon. Until next time, whenever that is, stay safe and remember, "Chris Brown should get his ass kicked!"

[1052 Deviations, 233 Messages]
So, what has good ol' =osyris been up to? New Spring Quarter. Sakura-Con 2009. Stuff... You can check out a more detail version of what I've been up to over at Curtis' myspace blog: Ledger Feature & Other Updates! The short version is I'm only taking two classes since one was way over my head. Curtis and I got featured in the UWT newspaper, which is very cool. Sakura-Con 2009 was awesome and I posted a ton of photos in Curtis' myspace gallery: Sakura-Con 2009 You can even see me with blue hair! I might post a few here. I have brought the KLR-650 out of winter storage and it is now ready for the riding season. Got a new set of road tires on order, which should be here by Monday. They are 90/10. I will get another set of rims and tires for off-roading later in the summer. As you can see below, I have several commissions finished. The two badges you likely first saw in the photo I posted with their respective owners. The third is of the Bittersweet Brothers, a set of original characters. I'll post a story at some point about them. The short version is they are servants of Magdalena, a ghostly character of the commissioned artist, and a couple character's I've referenced in short stories inspired by him. More on them to come. At some point I'll post the last five remaining chapters of my E& fan-fic once I have time; likely after this quarter is over. Once I also get the rewrite of my Teen Titans fan-fic complete I'll finally get back to my original works! Until then, I'll be a busy boy. I'm sorry if I don't get to all your wonder deviations. I am highly considering just deleting everything I have at the moment since it literally takes several days, even when trying for several hours at a time, just to add things to my favorites, let alone properly comment...